There is a difference between self-respect and narcissism.
Self respecting people are glad about their accomplishments, but do not feel a “holier than thou” attitude.
The way they see it, they are who they are as a matter of luck (good genes, good parenting, etc.) and hence there is nothing to feel proud or superior about.
They accept themselves, including their faults, and therefore insults do not wound them.
They are able to be in the world as happy guests rather than as vying owners.
For example, perhaps our lack of understanding or empathy toward our partner led to their decision to end the relationship.
We may have participated in this unwanted outcome by our lack of sensitivity and kindness. Perhaps we were clinging to hurtful criticisms of our partner rather than sharing the more vulnerable feelings that were difficult for us to face. Or, if we were rejected by someone else before, we might have concluded that we are basically flawed or that we will never find a suitable partner, instead of considering:
- It just wasn’t a good match.
- We can’t expect to be the perfect partner for everyone.
- There are things we can learn from the rejection, but it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with us.
- There are other people out there who may be a better match for me.
Some may have already achieved this level of functioning in their everyday life but this idea is a wonderful standard to aspire to as well.
